In The Sick and (Intestine) Twisted Mind of Crandall After The First Day of Spring. Yup.

Truth #1 - I have spent the last two weeks reading voraciously about groin injuries and hernias. I've become obsessed, and after a doctor informed me he didn't see anything wrong, I took that as a sign to go for a 9 mile run. The next day, I learned his clearing was not so good. The pain returned.

Truth #2 - The pain has become worse. I am now very aware of the way I walk. I feel like a man riding a horse. The spurs dig into both thighs, and cattle-prod electric shocks down my leg.

Truth #3 - There is more than 4 inches of snow that fell on the first day of Spring from this storm - one that cancelled afternoon activities all over southern Connecticut. I didn't shovel, however, because I can't. Chitunga shoveled and I am very thankful for him and his support. The fact that I didn't shovel is an indicator of how I really am taking care of myself.

Truth #4 - Chitunga's car died. He got a new car, however, to replace it - one he's been saving his money to get. Within two minutes of having it in the driveway, the check engine light came on. Connecticut does have lemon laws, though.

Truth #5 - The real writing I want to do on a blog post I can't because of my professional obligations to the university. Writing about my intestines is safer than sharing the truth about what goes on in the academic and professional world and what faculty members, teachers, and workers actually endure and experience. Being zip-lipped is easier. A hernia is kind.

Truth #6 - Because of the snow, I thought it would be smart to make meatballs to go with my lifetime supply of tomato sauce. I am good at making meatballs and channel Butch and Sue in CNY. I put hot sausage in with the beef, and it is fun squeezing the pork out of the intestinal wraps that hold it all together. I learned this from them.

Truth #7 - Anyone who has ever paid attention to Crandall (this would be my mom, my two sisters, and sometimes my dad), knows how much I despise/hate/detest/ and avoid medical facilities. It is much easier to take care of my own business and move on than visit a doctor.

Truth #8 - It is probably not a good idea to reenact what a hernia looks like when one has a self-diagnosed hernia. Simply put, pushing meat out of the intestinal pork-bind is exactly what, I imagine, is going on inside my pelvic area. While making meatballs, I had a brief stint with, "Oh, I just might pass out. This is sick." But then I started cracking up. It made me laugh.

Truth #9 - There are two things doctors suggest not doing at home until a hernia is treated: (1) coughing and (2) laughing. Making meatballs with hot sausage and thinking about my own body as packaged links made me laugh. It made it worse.

Truth #10 - I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday, the earliest I could get. I have backed out of my DC trip on Wednesday, submitting to the fact that I am human, that I actually DO have to take care of me, and that now is a better time than ever before to get help. There will be no door to door legislative knocking for Crandall in Washington this year. My crotch can't handle it.

And with that, I am blossoming like a field of crocuses and daffodils. I am submitting to a weekend of ice packs, bed, couches, books, baths, and a hope I can make it to Tuesday. I am not loving the sedentary life and feeling more lethargic and fat by the second.

I've also learned that my colleagues are referring to me in terms of, "Does anyone know how Bryan's little hump is doing?"

Little hump.

This goes well with alliteration because I already named the Hernia, Henry. Henry the hernia hump. I therefore think I will have one helluva post-Henry the hernia hump house-warming party when the time is just right.